Saturday, May 21, 2005

Terrible Thunder Lizards

Strange but true: dinosaurs were made of Kevlar. "That's great, Professor Shiny," you say, "but what does that mean to me?" I'm glad you asked. It means a lot of things:
1) Those canoes you (meaning I) always look at but can't afford are made of dinosaur. This leads us to point #2:
2) Dinosaurs were related to fiberglass. Professor Shiny knows this because that's what the canoes he can afford are made of. They are also related to aluminum, like the canoes Professor Shiny rents at the river where he takes float trips.
3) If you find a dinosaur, soak it. If you can rehydrate it so that the skin isn't crinkly and dry and stretched over the bones, it will be worth something like $300 per square foot.
4) Since Kevlar does not occur in nature, dinosaurs must have been artificial. Why does this matter? Well, Jimmy, it once and for all discredits those pesky evolutionists. Eat that, you godless scientists!
5) That cartoon The Terrible Thunder Lizards was way more accurate than the game Cadillacs and Dinosaurs. The Terrible Thunder Lizards were blown up by missiles on a regular basis, and survived with just a blackening of their hides. The people in the Cadillac shot and killed thousands of dinosaurs with very little difficulty. I haven't played it in years, but I'm pretty sure I remember the dude beating dinosaurs to death with his bare hands.

Meanwhile, in the real world, I went to the flea market today. Normally this means I wandered around for 20 or 30 minutes, then left empty-handed and bored. Today it means I got complete copies of The Secret of Mana and Chrono Trigger on SNES for $5 each. Five dollars. Complete. If you're as big a geek as me, you're either jealous or not paying attention. If you aren't a geek, you have no idea why $5 is abnormal for games that are 10 and 12 years old, respectively. In that case all I have to say is "If you can't be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, well that's your own lookout."

I went to see The Hitchhiker's Guide last weekend. While it was changed quite a bit from the book, um...too bad. The books didn't exactly mesh with the radio plays, and neither was perfectly represented by the TV miniseries. Douglas Adams rewrote every time. Continuity was not fun for him, so he rejected it. Plus, seriously, how would he fit it all into two hours? And I realize he did not write the movie entirely alone, the director co-wrote it. Co-wrote. Meaning helped him. Not without Adams' input, I think it's safe to assume. So stop whining and enjoy it. It was a very fun, lighthearted movie, with some changes that I didn't necessarily much care for(like the Arthur/Trillian relationship, which was undoubtedly a posthumous change), but overall a fitting adaptation of the story and a great tribute to the best known work of Douglas Adams. And if you liked nothing else about it, enjoy Mos Def. I've seen a few rappers-turned-actor, and he was the best by far. I'd actually watch other movies with him in them.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my god! You found SNES cartridges of Chrono Trigger and Mana? That's amazing! I absolutely LOVE Chrono Trigger. Like the dork that I am, I've downloaded all the music from it. Did you ever play Chrono Cross, and, if so, did you like it? I thought there were too many possible characters to recruit, but I enjoyed it anyway. Good music. Good story. Anyway... Excellent find, congrats!

--Lindsay (Lisbeth's sister)

12:40 PM  
Blogger seth said...

I never did play Chrono Chross, as I somehow managed to be one of the handful of Earth-residents who has never owned a Playstation. I may try to find a used copy, though, since PC emulation of the PSX is basically perfect for most games at this point. (It was a PSX game, right?) I downloaded the soundtrack to Chrono Trigger as well. I went one step further, though, and downloaded the Chrono Trigger anime. It's fairly hard to find, since it was never commercially released (a limited number of copies were handed out at a Japanese trade show)and really not that great--it has little-to-nothing to do with the plot--so it's basically only good for the very curious CT fan or the uber-geek among us. If you do want to see it, get my e-mail from your sister and let me know, I'll drop a VHS at your parents' next time I'm there.

3:44 PM  

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